\u00d6nce b\u00fct\u00fcn felaketleri, yang\u0131nlar\u0131, boranlar\u0131 d\u0131\u015far\u0131da b\u0131rak\u0131p (bunlar\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131m\u0131, ayr\u0131l\u0131k sebepleridir ki, \u00e7e\u015fidi boldur. Konumuz sadece ve sadece ayr\u0131lma sonras\u0131na ili\u015fkin olup, o derin mevzuu, ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n bir \u00f6nceki etab\u0131nda kad\u0131n ve erkek taraf\u0131ndan ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015f ve ya\u015fat\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r zaten.) gir kendine ve kapa kap\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131.<\/p>\n
Her \u015feyi unutsan bile, havlu at\u0131p gidene sak\u0131n unutma el sallamay\u0131.<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
Bir elin bo\u015fta kalmas\u0131, burnunun ne kadar dire\u011fi varsa hepsinin s\u0131zlamas\u0131, kalbinin l\u00f6p et gibi ortadan yar\u0131lmas\u0131, yar\u0131ya inen bayraklar, alaturka tak\u0131lmalar, kendini sonbahar falan sanmalar…<\/p>\n
Tam bir yas tutulmas\u0131d\u0131r ya\u015fanan. Boyunu a\u015far \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc, bundand\u0131r \u00e7ok koyar.<\/p>\n
Hi\u00e7 bilmedi\u011fin uzak bir denize gece vakti at\u0131lm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n da \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131yormu\u015f gibi. Kim d\u00fc\u015fse o denize \u00f6yle olur tabii. Ama her d\u00fc\u015fen ”ilk d\u00fc\u015fen’im” san\u0131r ya, bu sonradan kahkaha att\u0131r\u0131r insana.<\/p>\n
Uyan\u0131k ge\u00e7inen tilki ruhlu insanlar\u0131n ya\u015fam felsefesinin ba\u015f kahramanlar\u0131ndan \u00fc\u00e7 maymun, hal ve hareket bak\u0131m\u0131ndan bu s\u00fcre\u00e7teki ruh halin olabilir.<\/p>\n
\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc sana ne dense, duymaz bilmez g\u00f6rmez olursun. \u0130\u00e7 sesinin ba\u011f\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131ndan nas\u0131l duyas\u0131n ki?…<\/p>\n
Beyninde \u00f6bek \u00f6bek toz bulutlar\u0131 esir al\u0131r, g\u00f6zlerin yanar, \u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6remezsin.<\/p>\n
Her an\u0131’dan bir ses \u00e7\u0131nlar kula\u011f\u0131nda, d\u00f6rt yandan d\u00f6rt nala atl\u0131lar ko\u015far \u00fczerine abana abana. Ya ortalarda mel mel dolanacaks\u0131n ya da hep uyuyacaks\u0131n.<\/p>\n
Unutma, uyku b\u00f6yle zamanlar\u0131n sonsuz y\u0131ld\u0131zl\u0131, en m\u00fckemmel ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f mekan\u0131d\u0131r, sessiz oda, pufidik yast\u0131k, kapal\u0131 perdeler \u00fcstelik bedavad\u0131r ve her \u015fey sana dahildir:)<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
Normaldir, bir s\u00fcre bo\u015funa demlenir sohbet \u00e7aylar\u0131 ocakta, g\u00fczelim fesle\u011fenler \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcr saks\u0131larda. Da\u011flar, da\u011flar olu\u015fur minik kopmalar\u0131ndan. Kolay de\u011fil uzunca ve ba\u011fnazca bir yoldan gelinmi\u015ftir. Koyun koyunal\u0131k bitmi\u015ftir (ki bu \u00e7ok dokunur) sonsuz uykular gibi gelir. O’nsuz uykular.<\/p>\n
Masada yar\u0131m kalan son kadehi y\u0131kamazs\u0131n bir s\u00fcre,ya duda\u011f\u0131n\u0131n izi kaybolursa diye, belki i\u00e7ine nefesi ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131r diye…<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
\u015eaha kalkan efkarlar, sal\u0131ncaklarda a\u011flamalar, pejm\u00fcrde palaspare k\u0131l\u0131klarla dolanmalar, her \u015fark\u0131dan, her s\u00f6zden ya\u015fananlara dair ne varsa \u00e7ekip \u00e7\u0131karmalar, sonra onlar\u0131 tekrarlay\u0131p d\u00f6v\u00fcnmeler. A\u011flamalar, a\u011flamalar…<\/p>\n
Sak\u0131n yar\u0131da b\u0131rakma, sonuna kadar a\u011fla mutlaka.<\/p>\n
Ak\u0131l, beden, kalp darmada\u011f\u0131n olmu\u015fsa, dizginlenemiyorsa, sak\u0131n yar\u0131da b\u0131rakma. Ama gidene de\u011fil kendine a\u011fla.<\/p>\n
B\u00f6yle bir i\u00e7 sava\u015f, hep iyi gelir insana. Kan g\u00f6vdeyi g\u00f6t\u00fcrse de, her yer bomba her yer enkaz dolsa da sak\u0131n korkma.<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
Nehir’mi\u015fsin mesela, aka aka yolunu ar\u0131yormu\u015fsun. Ne yaparsan yap, a\u015fk zaman\u0131n\u0131 doldurduysa sana bile s\u00f6z d\u00fc\u015fmez.<\/p>\n
Gir odaya, muhakkak bir mendil vard\u0131r konsolunda, al o mendili a\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 da sil burnunu da. Ama sak\u0131n k\u0131zma a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131na. Her g\u00f6z ya\u015f\u0131 , ayr\u0131l\u0131k ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 dirhem dirhem ak\u0131t\u0131r d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya. Hem bu durum \u00e7ok insanca…<\/p>\n
\u00d6yle, dik tutulan kuyruklar her zaman fayda etmez ruha, otur ba\u015ftan yaz her \u015feyi, say\u0131p da ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131na. Sonra \u00e7\u0131kar o mendili, salla zehirli at\u0131klara.<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
Yava\u015f yava\u015f \u00e7\u0131k dola\u015f deniz kenar\u0131nda, boynunun atk\u0131s\u0131 da, ete\u011finin f\u0131rf\u0131r\u0131 da u\u00e7u\u015fsun\u00a0 \u00a0oralarda.<\/p>\n
Al b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fcn’leri avucuna savur gitsin r\u00fczgara. B\u00fct\u00fcn kitaplar\u0131 d\u00f6k ortaya, aralar\u0131na konmu\u015f ve kurumu\u015f ne kadar \u00e7i\u00e7ek varsa ufala soka\u011fa. Yo\u011furt kasesinde bile daha g\u00fczelleri yeti\u015fir inan bana…<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Da\u011f\u0131nd\u0131, ba\u011f\u0131nd\u0131… ama bitti! Ba\u015fa gelenlerle h\u0131zl\u0131ca ba\u015f etmeli ki, \u00fcz\u00fclmemeli bah\u00e7edeki han\u0131meli. Sana bitmi\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcnen hayat; onlara \u00f6yle bonk\u00f6r ki. Git de g\u00f6r o caan\u0131m\u00a0 \u00a0mavi\u015fleri.<\/p>\n
Ne bu ac\u0131, ne de bu sanc\u0131 esir almayag\u00f6rs\u00fcn, eritir bitirir her yan\u0131n\u0131. Hayat bu, durur\u00a0 mu…<\/p>\n
Saatin tiktaklar\u0131, yolun zikzaklar\u0131 hababam debabam hi\u00e7 durmadan yol al\u0131r ki…<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
Bir y\u0131lan gibi s\u0131yr\u0131l kabu\u011fundan, yeni deri gelsin ard\u0131ndan. Alk\u0131\u015f \u0131sl\u0131k k\u0131yamet bug\u00fcn\u00fc bir yere kaydet.<\/p>\n
Nas\u0131l yenilenecek g\u00f6receksin hayat\u0131n bug\u00fcn\u00fc, \u00f6b\u00fcr g\u00fcn\u00fc…<\/p>\n
Son bir not sana, as dolab\u0131na:<\/p>\n
G\u00f6nl\u00fcn\u00fc sula sultan\u0131m g\u00f6nl\u00fcn\u00fc, nas\u0131l da a\u00e7ar \u00fc\u00e7 g\u00fcne g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc:)<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
beyhan duran<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00d6nce b\u00fct\u00fcn felaketleri, yang\u0131nlar\u0131, boranlar\u0131 d\u0131\u015far\u0131da b\u0131rak\u0131p (bunlar\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131m\u0131, ayr\u0131l\u0131k sebepleridir ki, \u00e7e\u015fidi boldur. Konumuz sadece ve sadece ayr\u0131lma sonras\u0131na ili\u015fkin olup, o derin<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6308,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[462,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9704","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beyhan-duran","category-yazilar"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9704","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9704"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9704\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9706,"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9704\/revisions\/9706"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6308"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9704"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9704"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arsiv.sozbizde.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9704"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}